the sarcastic journalist

2004-07-12T00:50:00.000-04:00

wishing and hoping...

2004-07-11T21:42:00.000-04:00

It is beginning....

2004-06-29T17:58:00.000-04:00

SJ at 38.5 weeks.

2003-08-12T22:27:00.000-04:00

Ask and ye shall receive.

Hey you! Whatcha doin' lookin over here? Dontcha know she's moved to SJ.Javamama.net? Yes, that's http://sj.javamama.net

So, consider yourself warned. And please, go change those blogrolls-- if you're into that kind of thing.

2003-08-08T16:05:00.000-04:00

The time has come, to say goodbye

Yup, it's that time. Time for me to go home. As many of you may not know, I will be in the great state of tejas this weekend until Tuesday. So I probably won't blog much. But its okay, because that's why I have archives!

Anyway, none of yall actually read my blog on the weekend...so ha! Oh, I may have an announcement to make when I come back about some big changes. We'll see....

2003-08-08T15:37:00.000-04:00

yippeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Now, this is a site that can keep me entertained for HOURS!

2003-08-08T13:31:00.000-04:00

yummy

It's time to play concentration camp body building!

2003-08-08T13:20:00.000-04:00

the stories continue

Most of my husband's family met my family at the wedding. Of course, that meant they had to meet Stuart, as well. Well the husband's grandma said later on to hubby's mom "Well that Stuart had a little too much to drink."
My husband's mom had to inform her that's how he really is. He hadn't drank at all. He just seems drunk.
He has a lazy eye, meaning its hard to tell if he is looking at you. Most of my friends parents hated him, even the ones who only met him one time. I actually had a friends mom tell me that if something ever happened to my Mom that she wouldn't allow for me to live with Stuart.
He also has a big, bushy mustache and likes to hug you and kiss you on your cheek. Its gross, especially since he's a hypocrite. And he dips.

2003-08-08T12:35:00.000-04:00

He'll be back...

Ah-nold will make a great Governor. He'll certainly shrink the budget crisis.

Just look how much he has shrunk (before) his his wife (after)!!

2003-08-08T11:59:00.000-04:00

Memories....

Ahh, lets stroll down memory lane today, shall we? Here's a virtual tour of my dorm on campus in college. The rooms pictured have twice as much room as mine did. Seriously.

2003-08-08T10:01:00.000-04:00

Continuing on...

Why my sister won't visit my Mom's house anymore...

My sister is about 2.5 years old than me. AT the age of 15, she moved out of our house, partly because she hated my stepfather, partly because she was boning some guy where my Dad lived.

Anyway, she and my Mom didn't speak for about 3 years or so, which was kind of weird for me. But oh well, anyway. Eventually they did start to speak to each other again and things were hunky dory. Ok, well excpet for the fact that when that did happen my family completely ignored me and only spoke to her because they loved her soooo much!

So, my sister had a baby 2 years ago. When my niece was only about 4 months old, my sister came to visit. For some reason, nobody cleaned out the guest bedroom so when my sister got to our house she found a surprise on her bed. An entire arsenel of guns (i'm dead serious-- probably about 20 or so shotguns) lined up on the bed. We called our mom at work and said "hey, we have a situation here...sister needs a place to sleep.) Mom says to move the guns to the daybed in her bedroom. So, my sister my husband (who wasnt my husband at the time) and me carry the guns across the house and place them in said daybed.
My stepfather comes home late that night and finds the guns in the daybed. He goes postal. Starts screaming and slamming doors (this isn't unusual for him) not caring that my 4-month old niece is asleep in our tiny little house.
My sister gets pissed and later on I find out that she has said she will never ever bring the baby back to my mom's house to spend the night. and she doesnt.
The end.

2003-08-08T09:11:00.000-04:00

Lets make beautiful music

So, thanks to T-bone, my band name (if I ever start one) will be "White Trash Mafia."

Well, I had a dream last night. It was weird. All I'll say is that my husband and I have come up with the name of my first album. Weird Country Carnival.

2003-08-08T09:06:00.000-04:00

Good Lord.

I'm waaaayy too happy this morning. Maybe it's the coffee or maybe it's friday or maybe because I'm about to go hommmmmmmmmme. But either way, gather 'round kids, because IT'S STORYTIME!

Ok, so in high school, my family lived directly across the street from the school. Extremely close, too close to really justify driving, though I always drove. So anyway, I ran cross country and we had practice in the morning and used first period to get ready. So, one morning, I decided that I didn't want to wear whatever outfit I brought to school. So my wonderful friend Shannon (who I will be seeing tomorrow) and I drove over to my house so I could change. I put on this dress but couldn't zip it up. So I went downstairs (its early morning still) and my mom came out in her robe. I told her to zip me up. So, we're standing in the entryway and my mom is zipping me and shannon is standing there and my stepfather (he's becoming a mainstay in these bad stories, can't you tell?) comes out. He starts a conversation with Shannon. Well, Stuart( my stepfather) is 6'2. Shannon is a good 5'2. Stuart is wearing these pink bikini briefs (the type you see on strippers) that, shall we say, don't fit. They're too tight. His weenie is all hanging out and bulging and stuff. its gross. They have holes in them. And then he continues to have a conversation with my poor short friend about random crap.
She's embarrased. So am I. When I come home, I inform stuart that he needs to put on clothes when my friends come over because its not approperiate for my stepfather to stand around 1/2 naked and talk to my friends. He gets mad. Says its his house. I say its common courtesy and I live there, too.
He then says "Well you walk around in your towel." Yeah, I walk in my towel when nobody is over and I have to go downstairs to get clean underwear or something. He holds conversations with my friends in his underwear. (You see, fighting with him is like arguring with a 2-year-old.)
So my Mom has to interceed. Nobody is allowed to walk around our house in a state of undress anymore. She has to do so a lot because we argue about everything. My stepfather then becomes known as that horny guy who wears pink underwear in front of my friends.

2003-08-07T15:14:00.000-04:00

Hollywood, here I come!
Ohh, baby! Sign me up!

2003-08-07T08:44:00.000-04:00

Bad, bad woman!

So these old ladies were berrated in a study of speech when they were younger to see if they would become stutterers. They didn't, by the way. So anyway, now they're suing the people who did this test on them... They said it has left psychological trauma on them that ruined their self esteem.

Now their lawyers have continually declined interview requests with the ladies. wouldn't it be funny if the reporter said during the interview (when the lady made a grammar mistake)
"You stupid old hag! Can't you speak right? What's wrong with you?"

2003-08-06T21:26:00.000-04:00

Yippee!!!

According to this site I have a very rare name! (courtsey of
I'll say she is!

ok. i just typed in "susan smith" and its also very rare...hmm....i smell something fishy

2003-08-06T21:21:00.000-04:00

Call me crazy

I'm watching the "Real Roseanne Show" and she really reminds me of my Mom. Roseanne looks like my mom. (MY mom would kick my butt if she knew I said that.) But its true. They have the same hair, same body style, skin color, hair color, noses....

Even worse? Every time I see tony soprano...I think of my Dad. So, I guess I'm the love child of Tony Soprano and Roseanne.

2003-08-06T15:18:00.000-04:00

Won't make new friends because I'm bold...
My conversation with newsroom "secretary."
HER: Did I get your insurance information about your car?
ME: (Hides face.) No.
HER: I need it now. So and so in HR is yelling at me.
ME: She has a bad haircut. It's hard to take her serious.
HER: I need it.
ME: You'll get it. Seriously, she needs to calm down. I haven't given it to you in a year, what's one more day?
HER: You can get sent home for not having it.
ME: I need a vacation anyway.
HER: With no pay.
ME: I got overtime last week.
She walks away. I call insurance company. some people have no sense of humor.

2003-08-06T14:40:00.000-04:00

i still have my teeth....

On my first (and so far, only) trip to NYC, I got lost on the subway. Where's my fancy hotel?

2003-08-06T12:06:00.000-04:00

So tempting...

I've never had much a desire to live in Dallas. Being a Texan, I've never been impressed with dallas, though I know many of my Houston friends make the trek up there to get away from "h-town."

However, when I see a job ad for writers/editor for a weekly that promises salaries between $45-50K, its hard not to send in my resume. Oh gosh, that'd be freaking awesome.

2003-08-06T11:18:00.000-04:00

EEWWWIIIEEEE

Don't read the story, just look at the picture and caption.

Note to blonde porn star who wants to be governor: I would NEVER vote for someone who 1. peroxides her hair to look like that on purpose. 2. doesn't realize that her clothes look really bad on her. If you don't have the good judgement to realize your belly is chunky, why would you have enough judgement to run a state?

2003-08-06T09:35:00.000-04:00

daddy, I'm coming home

I’m going home this week. This weekend, actually, for a wedding. The wedding will be the third one out of my group of high school friends. The second girl who got married is already getting divorced.
It is always weird to go home, especially when I’ve been gone for so long. Stupid trivial things start to matter—like “Oh, my hair is long now. I wonder if people will like it.” Yes, that stupid. Last year my hair was really short and I got it cut at wal-mart. Everyone hated it. I did it just to prove I wasn’t vain. Now I’m vain and I grew my hair out. I also lost weight. I wonder if I’ve gained any of the weight back. Out of all my friends, I’ve been the heaviest (my friends, combined, weigh about 12 pounds.) so I’ve never ever really wanted to gain weight. I’m calmer. I now take “stress medication.” I wonder if anyone will see a change in attitude.

These things are so trivial and stupid, I know, but I find myself thinking about them when I head back home. These are people who have known me since I was 14, 15—I guess its almost like ‘Look, I didn’t screw myself up. I’m normal!” I’m excited to go back, except for the heat. It’s a good 97 degrees there, compared to 83 here…the heat might scare me off. When I leave, I know I won’t have anything to look forward to. I know I’ll cry when I leave my Dad’s house, I always do. And my husband always comforts me, but I know it makes him uncomfortable because what do you do? We just can’t pack up and leave. Mortgages and a bad economy don’t allow that.

2003-08-06T09:02:00.000-04:00

Texas our Texas, oh hail the mighty state

Really funny news from my hometown.

OK, so I grew up in the suburbs. Nothing exciting ever happens there.

2003-08-05T15:58:00.000-04:00

Yum

Who's in the mood for some fried chicken?

2003-08-05T14:05:00.000-04:00

Just a little bragging

I was just looking on the net, and boy, does my husband look like John Mayer. Except my husband is hotter.

2003-08-05T11:26:00.000-04:00

Grab your wallets

Cubicle for sale. Fits 1.5 chairs. New carpet. Lamp. Asking price: $140K.

Note: This is a great deal for all you Manhattanites.

2003-08-05T10:57:00.000-04:00

Good to know

For my darling 6'4 hubby: You really aren't a freak.

2003-08-05T10:08:00.000-04:00

New insult alert!

Girl, you're uglier than a Greek prostitute.

2003-08-05T10:04:00.000-04:00

Kids...

Maybe kids these days should wait to dye their hair, put on makeup and attend movie premieres until after all their teeth have fallen out. Right, Jamie Lynn Spears?

2003-08-05T09:54:00.000-04:00

I just smile and nod

So this morning, as usual, I'm sitting at my desk, trying to stay awake. I'm not really in the mood to talk to anyone because i'm tired, so I'm trying to be anti-social, yet polite. So, said girl scout camp photographer comes over and asks me if I've written any more of the story. I say "no, I haven't. I'm tired of it and have moved on." I then inform her that I will work on it later.

So she brings up the pictures and says how 3 of the girls aren't in any of the pics. I say 'it happens." I say one of the 3 is in my story. She asks about the other two, I say "not yet." I say "one hated it there and only sad bad things about camp so I really didn't have much to work with."
She says: "Oh, well, we're not putting that in our story."
OUR story? No....it's MY STORY. Those are YOUR PICTURES. Get it? My ass took notes and talked to these kids. I'm the one organizing it and making it sound pretty yet funny. If I think there should be negative stuff in there, there will be. I'm not writing a purposefuly negative story-- I'm writing a true rendetion of their time at camp.

2003-08-05T08:57:00.000-04:00

I've been doing it wrong

When I need to recouperate, I take a nap. When (icky) Paris Hilton needs to recouperate, she goes to Europe for a couple of weeks.

Note: I really wish she'd stop saying stupid things so I could stop posting about her.

2003-08-04T21:44:00.000-04:00

Okie dokie

Note: the official count is 24--with a double post from Buzz. But, what the heck. I'm not much of an "enforcer" and I believe rules are made to be broken anyway. So, here it is...

Okay, let me first tell you about my family. My parents divorced when I was 10, each remarried within a year. I have been raised as an "only child" since the age of 13. My mom married a pompous ass who likes to sit around the house in his pink bikini briefs. He likes me as long as he doesnt see me. Once he sees me, all bets are off and it usually involves him cussing me out. Okay, so on to the story.

My Mom and stepfather are notoriously horney That's all there is to it. My stepfather used to take naked pictures of my Mom and hang them in his closet. He probably still does. I'm glad I dont live with them anymore. The problem was that they'd make me go into the closet and get something, such as the safe deposit box, which happened to be next to the pictures. So, i had to ban friends from the closet because I didn't want them to see my mom naked.

In high school, one of my friends and I went through this faze where we liked to film ourselves doing stupid things. We'd film ourselves doing the most retarded things, most of them to the Coolio 1..2..3..4 song. So anyway, this friend was coming over to my house after school one day. While waiting for her, I went into my Mom's room and pulled out the tape recorder, figuring I'd hook it up for when she got there.

The tape was jammed in the recorder so I just left it in and plugged it in and went back to my chair to watch whatever was on.

That's when it happened. Instead of Mary and me dancing like Muppets or some dorky family vacation-- I saw a very vile act. It was my Mom and stepfather, and they weren't playing checkers. They were doing "it." It took me a good minute to really realize what exactly I was watching. Then it hit me. It was my Mom, giving HEAD to my stepfather. Then, she looks up and makes eye contact with the camera, therefore, making eye contact with me, her 18-year-old daughter.

It took me awhile before I'd let my mom kiss me again. And no, she doesn't know about it. but thanks for asking.

And just to make it a little more fun, I hit reverse in my scaredness (is that a word?) I then got to see my stepfather, humping my mother, in reverse.

2003-08-04T20:33:00.000-04:00

oh boy!

six more to go...I think....till I put up my story that will make you be happy that you're not me....

NOTE: don't post your comment to this one. You need to go and play by the rules and post with everyone else.

2003-08-04T16:02:00.000-04:00

Not another darn story

Somewhere under the piles of paper on my desk, I just found yet another Press release. I need a secretary. So, applications are being taken as to why you should work for me.

Wanted:
One secretary. Must be fun. Silly.
Enjoy chocolate chip cookies.
Must not get mad at my disorganizedness.
Must enjoy doing things at the last minute but not be a procrastinator yourself.
Must give good backrubs and tell me that "it's really okay."

2003-08-04T15:52:00.000-04:00

You can't handle the truth!

People often ask me how many stories I work on/put out during a week. I keep on having more and more come down on me today.

So far, the amount of stories I KNOW of: 3 due by Wednesday, 1 involves a phone interview, one involves going to a children's hospital (again.) Two more due by Friday. Another "spot" news one due on Wednesday night (basically, it is due while I'm writing it) oh wait, and another due by Wednesday or so-- that involves more interviews than i can fathom.
So, the answer is seven. The majority of them are really interview-heavy or are stuff I haven't started working on yet.

2003-08-04T13:00:00.000-04:00

I’ve never considered myself to be a go-getter.

If you met me, you’d probably think I’m just another sloppily dressed twenty-something. I have never been the type of person to want to be the best at anything. I’ve always been content just to do my own thing, though sometimes I reap the consequences of my actions. I was embarrassed to find out I wasn’t even in the top ½ of my high school class, though I had a B GPA. I couldn’t have gotten into any college my freshman year (ok, anything decent) and got stuck at crap school in Colorado.
I have only had a 4.0 once since 8th grade (my junior year of college) and ended up with ulcers from it. My mom told me not to do that again. So when someone left a comment on here that I’ve done so much (really, I haven’t) I’m just surprised. Flattened. Flattered.
I didn’t go to Harvard. My novel isn’t published yet. I feel like I have to constantly prove myself at work. I take medication for “stress.” I’ve been depressed.
But, I’m lucky to have my husband there, always eager to point out the bright side. I graduated from college last August and had bought a $135,000 house by February. I have a good job where I (mostly) like what I do. I finally made a friend here. I will get that novel published. I followed my dreams and left everything behind to move here.

I identify with this John Mayer song:
Everybody is just a stranger but
That's the danger in going my own way
I guess it's the price I have to pay
Still "everything happens for a reason"
Is no reason not to ask myself

If I am living it right
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Why Georgia, why?

2003-08-04T12:29:00.000-04:00

Don't make me regret this

Ok, many of you know about my Girl scout story. Well, i just wrote this paragraph and absolutely love it. I'm not sure why. So I'm posting it on here so you can get a taste of my "journalistic" side.

"The week will prove to be a long one for the girls, who are learning for the first time what it’s like to separate themselves from their parents. Their days, filled with endless activities to keep them occupied, leave little time for missing home. At night, when the darkness takes over and the sounds from a symphony of crickets fill the woods, homesickness creeps up on each girl, sometimes filling the night air with wails."

As always, this is copyrighted by me. Don't steal it. Don't go and google this paragraph for the next month and then start calling me at work. And as always, i may regret this later and take it off (or out of fear.)

So, enjoy.

2003-08-04T11:59:00.000-04:00

I'm gonna rock and roll all night...

Now, if we could only get Christina Aguilera to wear one of these.

2003-08-04T10:49:00.000-04:00

Yet another reason why I hate PETA

So this chick has changed her name (legally) to Goveg.com

Ugg. Stupid. Stupid! Yes, I know you like being a vegetarian. I think if you want to be one, then go ahead. but changing your name? Stupid! I would NEVER change my name to the name of my newspaper. I have my own identity. Not to mention, it might limit my future journalistic exploits if my name is the name of this paper. Besides, they don't pay me enough for that.

Now, I could go on about why I hate PETA so much (namely-- they fund terrorist organizations such as the ALF--which is very, very bad) but I won't. All I will say is this:
If being a vegetarian is so healthy and wonderful-- then why do you have a double chin?

Don't tell me I'm going to rot in hell because I drink milk and get breast cancer because of eggs if you don't want me jumping on your ass about your stupid comments. I can do as I please and so can you. I don't drip a juicy steak in your face so don't tell me I'm getting cancer.

Thank you. This has been a public service announcement brought to you by the Sarcastic Journalist. Please resume your normal viewing program.

2003-08-03T23:04:00.000-04:00

"Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever."

Okay. (sighs.) I'm a really bad blogroller. I actually read a lot of blogs (some daily, some weekly, some monthly) that I don't have on here. I'm just too lazy to actually go and say "hi I link to you" or whatever. I know that people read here and for some reason, I'm just interested in seeing who stops by but never says hi.

I know people often ask "sign my guestbook or comments" on other sites, but I think yall should listen to ME! So, why dontcha sign? Mondays are bad enough, brighten my little cubicle dwelling day by telling me hey. I'd appreciate it.

seriously. I'm usually a nice girl, the type of girl you wouldn't mind sitting next to at work. I tell funny stories, make fun of those who need it. If you saw me, I bet money you'd approach and say "do i know you?" Guys do that a lot. Its probably some stupid pick up line, but its hard for me to belive that some guy would pick me up. So I'm just saying that I look friendly and happen to look like your cousin/neighbor/dog/friend/mother, whatever. I decorate my cubicle (yes, I'm THAT PERSON) and don't mind telling embarrassing stories about my life to everyone.

So, as incentive. If I can get AT LEAST 30 people to say "hey" to this post tomorrow, I'll tell a REALLY GOOD story. This one is good. This is the story people say "Oh how are you not totally messed up?" after hearing it.

2003-08-03T22:38:00.000-04:00

They conquered el gigante!

We just got back from a mexican restaurant where my husband, his friend and a friend's husband conquered el gigante: a 6 pound burrito. Each.

It was soo gross. They started out greaet but it got to the point (towards the end) where they were all grumpy, bloated and smelly. Chris (the friend) was farting at the table. It was yummy. I'll have to post the pictures soon-- these guys are soo funny. Their bellies were actually full afterwards.

They really didn't like the story of what its like to cleanse your colon for a colonoscopy, though....

2003-08-02T22:23:00.000-04:00

I don't need no stinkin' big weddin'

2003-08-02T22:13:00.000-04:00

Things people will do to be on TV

I'm watching this TV show called "The good, the bad and the Ugly" on TLC. These people want to spend 80K on their wedding and this is the catch....they have to pick a wedding planner out of three-- but only one is a "real" wedding planner.

somehow they decide against the "real" planner and choose the "ugly"--- this writer schmuck who has no idea what he is doing. First off, why would you spend 80K on a WEDDING (we spent like 3k or 4K and I thought THAT was a lot) and then pick some loser from a reality show to do it?

I swear, I would NEVER want to be on reality tv. I just wish it would all go away!! I never thought I'd be asking for the return of the sitcom.

2003-08-02T18:56:00.000-04:00

Retarded friends

Ok, now about why I think this one friend of my husband is retarded. Ok, so we go to this party thingie last night. His friend had said when he started drinking that "i'll be naked in the pool by midnight" or something. so around midnight i start joking "oh its time for you to get naked, but no full frontal nudity please, thats gross."

so his friend starts asking me questions like "what color are your nipples" and "is it brown or black down there" and of course "tic tacs or silver dollars" referring to my boobs.

at first i was just annoyed, i was playing along a little like i lifted showed my bra and underwear-- NO MORE. i would never show more, i think thats just wrong. well this guy just keeps going at it. when my husband goes to the bathroom hes like "show me your nipples, just show me. i wont tell anyone." and stupid crap like that.

i didnt say anything to my husband at the time because i was tired, but now i'm just mad. this guy is married with two kids. my husband is helping him move his stuff right now. i'm just getting pissed thinking about it and how my husband is helping him right now when last night this nasty dude was harrassing me.

ugg. if i saw him right now i'd smack this guy in the nuts. i'm that mad.

2003-08-02T14:55:00.000-04:00

I was driving, 85'ing

CAMP. IS. OVER.

finally. I spent all day there yesterday (again) but got home (ok, I was late) for a party last night. I then woke up this morning and made another 45-minute drive to see the girls arrive and meet their parents. It was stupid.

The girls were so excited to see their parents they ignored us and ran in the car and drove off. Then, one car never showed up. It contained the troop leader and 2 girls. So we sit. And wait. I sit on the ground, read my entire US magazine. People leave. My photographer leaves. I tell a Dad that he could go pick up his wife "It'll only be a few minutes" and that I'd wait for his daughter.

He leaves. Another parent leaves. By now, I've been in this parking lot for over 2 hours. It's humid. I'm tired and forgot to take my "stress medicine." The Dad is gone now for over 30 minutes.

So I get in my truck and say "Ok, I'm just going to turn on my car and get some AC." I tell myself to wait for 10 more minutes. Then I'm telling myself "Its okay, she's with the troop leader. There's still some other parent here. He'll watch her."

And then (this is where I'm horrible)--- I leave. Just find myself driving off, knowing damn well this is not right. I see the Dad's car turning onto the street as I'm turning off of it. I wonder if he sees me. I feel bad, consider turning around and making up some lame ass excuse, but that would be lying. I don't lie.

I keep driving, trying not to get pissed for being there for so long for no reason, trying not to hate myself for just up and leaving.

I'm at home. My husband is gone with a friend, who, might I add, is a big ass pervert. (More on that later.) I'm on the couch, ready to go to bed.

So, goodnight (or afternoon) from the Sarcastic Journalist.

2003-07-31T12:13:00.000-04:00

Beardogg's gotta gun

It's bad enough when people start referring to "celebrities" in the first (nick)name-- such as "Ben and Jen" or "Cam" or "Brit" or whatever. Whoever dubbed the name Bennifer should be shot. My answer to the quiz? "WHO CARES?"

2003-07-31T11:22:00.000-04:00

All this camp talk..

...Has made me think of my own summer camp experiences. I grew up going to camp Waluta and then, as an adult, went back as a counselor. Yeah, I didn't stay for the entire time, either, deciding that 118 degree heat indexes with no AC weren't worth it.

So, here's where I stayed as a child. I really miss the daddy lonlegs crawling all over everything. That and the obese lesbian camp director who had hair down to her ass that she never washed. I really miss watching her eat cheese in a can like it's going out of style. I still haven't eaten that stuff after sitting in 100+ heat and watching her really fat ass (in short short short shorts) squeeze can after can of that stuff onto crackers.

2003-07-31T10:13:00.000-04:00

The Price Isn't Right, Bob.

I can spend hours at the Find a Grave Website (www.findagrave.com). It's freaking hilarious. Well, I found the FUTURE grave for Bob Barker. (Click on the "see more pictures" link for his marker.)

The funniest part about this are the comments left by people. My personal favorite?
"Bob,you've become a real jerk over the years."

2003-07-31T09:47:00.000-04:00

OK, Ok..

I'll admit it. I love those little girl scouts. They're so cute, so sweet, so funny. Not to say they're all "Hey lets bake cookies!" Because they aren't. These little girls have that whole "black woman" attitude going on -- Imagine one going "Oh no you don't" while shaking one finger and moving her head back and forth. It's cute. Super cute, actually.

Well I almost went postal on one little girl last night. They had these balloon thingies from dinner that had a rubber band on the end of it. Anyway, as I have somehow turned into a Junior Counselor during my time there, I ended up holding one girl's balloon. So, I was standing next to this one hickish girl, and I playfully nudged her arm with the balloon. Didn't touch her harder than I would to a baby. Well hickish girl goes postal turns around with her balloon and WHAPS me with it on the neck. She had somehow fashioned the stupid thing into a weapon b/c she had placed a keychain on the end of it. It hurt like hell when the stupid thing hit me. Let a red scratch on my neck.

I immediately grabbed my neck and turned away as I tried to say "shit" as quietly as possible. I then turn and look at the girl and go "What the heck is wrong with you? You need anger management classes!"

She just stared at me. I stared back. I was pissed. The counselor told her she needs to stop hurting people. I storm off before I say something really nasty to the girl.

I was already mad because I had to deal with another retard from a different cabin at dinner. Each night, a different girl is responsible for getting the food and drinks to a table. So I end up pouring all the drinks and say "Hey we need more." the girl just looks at me. I say "Get up, we need more drinks." She says no. I say fine, I'll do it myself and get up (she knows i'm a reporter) and then someone else tells me to sit down and FINALLY the little bitchy girl does it. I already didn't like her because #1 she kept grilling me about my story and #2-- it was "theme night." They were supposed to dress in a global theme. For some reason, everyone's idea of a theme was Hawaiian. Go figure. So the girl (bitchy girl) says "Our theme is American." I say that's nice. She points to her shirt. It says "Princess." She then points to her butt and it says "spoiled."

"See?" She says. "I'm spoiled! I'm an American!" She then proceeds to only talk about money and big houses during dinner, completely ignoring my girls, who-- its pretty obvious, don't live that type of lifestyle. She wouldn't help them, wouldn't help out, and by the end of dinner I found myself telling her to get her little butt up to do her job, which really pissed her off.

Ok, one more story. I say "Oh, I'm ready for dessert!" She looks at me says "Too bad. I'm still eating." I just stare at her. She then says "I know I'm skinny but I can eat a lot." Feeling a little randy by this point, I say "Oh, do you think I'm fat or something?" She just sits there, uncomfortably. 'Oh no, no." She says. "No, you're really skinny! Super skinny! No! I don't think you're fat." Keeps going on and on. Finally I tell her "I'm just kidding. I really don't care what you think about me." She gives me this look and goes back to eating her burger. She doesn't say much for the rest of the meal.

2003-07-31T09:00:00.000-04:00

If you need her, she's under her desk.

11-hour work days. I didn't sign up for this. Again, I worked my butt off yesterday and then went up to that girl scout camp, where I ended up staying waaay too late and getting home at about 11pm. Fun times. My brain is fried so I can't even THINK of something funny to say.

2003-07-29T14:10:00.000-04:00

Where do you go, my lovely?

Seriously, I swear I'm alive. I've been swarmed at work with stories that are all due right now and people keep asking me if they are, which of course they aren't.

I went to a nice press thing for this Titanic exhibit this morning and am proud to say it is actually worth seeing. Now, i'm writing the story which means I have written down my name and number.

Someone called about the teen page and I could hear my boss say he was sending her over to me. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I don't want to deal with anyone right now, especially in regards to the damn teen page. Also, our newsroom now smells like fish. Why in the hell would someone bring fish for a meal into this newsroom? Don't they know it stinks?

Geesh. It's only Tuesday, people. Only Tuesday.

2003-07-28T22:00:00.000-04:00

To agree or not to agree

I'm so glad that my movie reviews never agree with Roger Ebert. His description of the movie "Ravenous?"

"...A cross between a vampire movie and a cannibalism movie."
Um, where are the vampires? Was this dude smoking crack? I'm glad it's not a cross between a vampire CARTOON and a cannibalism book because that would be a boring ass movie.

2003-07-28T15:05:00.000-04:00

Where's that darned cell?

Hmm, wonder if anyone lost a cell phone? These are some of the emails in my inbox.

"A cell phone was left in the "ladies" upstairs this morning.
See Sybil at the switchboard if you are missing yours."

"Sybil tells me that she has a cell phone that Helen found this morning in the ladies rest room on the second floor. Please call the switchboard if you think it might belong to you."

2003-07-28T14:33:00.000-04:00

I'm gonna party like it's 1999

You know, at least the entire family did it together. Because, you know, as the saying goes, the family that robs banks together stays together, after prison, anyway.

2003-07-28T14:02:00.000-04:00

It all makes sense now...

They finally found the third Olsen Twin. I guess that would make her the Olsen Triplet.

2003-07-27T22:24:00.000-04:00

Bushwacker

Ok, I'm back for a moment, I basically worked from like 11am to 10pm so I'm exhausted. Funny story, though. The troop leader tends to pass out from heat exhaustion a lot. Like, she has mini heat strokes, not sure why someone like that would want to teach at an unairconditioned camp, but oh well.

So, we're at the lake, i'm standing in the hot ass sun with all these girls and I turn around and the lady has passed out. so i run down there and move the kids away from her (I went into counselor mode here) and sent them to go sit down. So I walk back to her and she's on the ground in her bathing suit. She's a REALLY BIG lady, too, if you catch my drift.

Well, somehow in her fall, her bathing suit moved and lets just say I could see too much. It was a very good reminder to always trim the downstairs hedge when wearing a bathing suit because that's just nothing other people should have to see.

Oh, but I met some russian counslors (actually ukraine and moldova, but whatever) and they said I was the nicest american they had met (yeah!) and then wanted to know how I could live in the US and still be thin. I've always thought that foreigners would find me fat so that was good to learn otherwise! Woo hoo! Then I explained to them what a super walmart is. It turns out that foreigners are sick of walmart too!

2003-07-26T23:58:00.000-04:00

Where did you go, my lovely?

If you're missing me, it's because that on Sunday at noon, I have to go to work and follow a bunch of girl scouts around at summer camp a few hours away from here. How exciting. It will be fun to get away from work but not fun to lose my weekend and not get to be home with the hubby.

So I may or may not be home on Sunday night and I have no idea what time I'll be getting in on Monday. This should be interesting...

2003-07-26T00:35:00.000-04:00

Maybe I'm in over my head

Maybe I shouldn't have done this whole Teen Page thingie. I'm tired of working with these people who have no interest in turning out quality or even trying. I only had 3 teens show up on Thursday's meeting. I send these kids their stories back and tell them EXACTLY what they need to do and who they need to talk to. They don't do it. I say the meeting is mandatory unless they've told me in advance. Hardly anyone shows up. The ones that do have crappy stories like 'My friends and I like sports." Seriously.

I then get a forwarded email that one of our teens is trying to get tickets to the american idol concert. She then emails me today and is like sorry i couldnt go to the meeting, i'm soooo busy. let me think, it's summer. what in the hell could you be doing?

she then says she came up with a story idea and that it is to go to the american idol tour and wants tickets b/c its sold out and then wants to interview clay aiken.
umm hmm. NO. She just wants to go to the damn concert and then turn in some crappy ass story a month later. she just wants to meet clay aiken. i'm not going to go through the damn publicists for some stupid teen who cant even show up to my meetings. i'm going to the concert and am most likely interviewing him, which i've already done before. i dont care. as i've said before, i dont like the show.

I dont want anything to do with these teens. They suck and arent doing their jobs.

2003-07-26T00:20:00.000-04:00

Is this how we treat our spouses?

My husband says I'm mean. Some random uneducated freak came to my site and called me a biznitch and said that said basketball player was a god. so i talked back, not going down to her level and being stupid, but basically making fun of her retardedness. iN all honesty, I don't care about basketball or celebritites or whatever. I posted about his stupid rape deal just because its in the news and i happened to read about it.

anyway, i dont think I'm mean because someone said that and I replied. I said my opinion, it is MY BLOG and if you want to start an anti-sarcastic journalist site, then go ahead and do it. He says "You're mean, you need to get off the pill."

Ok, I know some of my comments havent been super funny since i started taking the pill because it has turned me into one grumpy ass hormone, but I'd like for someone else to come up with a better idea because I'm all ears.

I don't want to take the pill but i'm running out of options. So, excuse the grumpiness. Its nothing personal, unless you are an idiot, then it is personal.

2003-07-25T13:52:00.000-04:00

The fun part of my job

You know those new pictures of Saddam's dead sons? well, I got to see the "better" ones that aren't being run. Lets just say that they've done EXTENSIVE work on these guys. My dad is a funeral director, so i understand how this crap works. The military people really need to go back to morturary school.

it was really interesting to see, however.

2003-07-25T11:27:00.000-04:00

Never trust email

I just got an email that said:

"FYI. New law for cell phone using in car. Please pass this e-mail to
other people who live or will drive in Texas.

Texas House Bill 281 - cell phone use in cars - effective 9/1/03

Sec. 545.425. USE OF TELEPHONE; OFFENSE. (a) An operator
may not use a telephone while operating a motor vehicle unless:
(1) the vehicle is stopped; or
(2) the telephone is used without use of either of the
operator's hands.
(b) An offense under this section is a misdemeanor
punishable by a fine of not less than $25 or more than $100.
SECTION 2. This Act takes effect September 1, 2003.

I NEVER trust emails. The only state with cell phone laws that I know of is NY, so i looked the bill up. Here is what it really said.
"WHEREAS, With deep roots in the Lone Star State, the Atkinson
Candy Company has cheered generations of Texans with the unique and
enduring Chick-O-Stick, and it is indeed a pleasure to recognize
both the company and its famous product at this time; now,
therefore, be it
RESOLVED, That the House of Representatives of the 78th Texas
Legislature hereby honor the Atkinson Candy Company and its popular
Chick-O-Stick for their significant contributions to the economic
vitality of East Texas and for the pure pleasure they have brought
to countless citizens nationwide; and, be it further
RESOLVED, That an official copy of this resolution be
prepared for the Atkinson Candy Company as an expression of high
regard by the Texas House of Representatives."

Don't exactly think it's true.

2003-07-25T11:17:00.000-04:00

Regarding burial of Saddam's sons

"The officials said the bodies would be refrigerated to slow decomposition but their fate thereafter remains unknown. Muslim tradition demands that they be buried as soon as possible.

A spokesman for the U.S.-led administration said no one had so far come forward to claim the bodies of the fugitives for burial. He said: "If any of their family members want to come forward, we'd be delighted to speak to them."

I'm sure their families are just itching to get out and identify themselves in order to pick up those bodies. Dontcha think?

2003-07-25T10:39:00.000-04:00

Sexism at its best
Here is a real job ad that I found on a journalism website.

"SpikeTV (nee TNN) is looking for a smart, gorgeous woman (hey, it's tv...) or smart, Sports Center funny man with strong background in Finance to host their CBS Market Watch on Spike updates. Prior tv experience not required but finance credibility is."

So the woman has to be hot, but the guy only has to be funny? Give me a puppy break. This is ridiculous. Why can't the woman be funny as well? Maybe some people know that brains (or brains about finance) and humor go hand in hand. Yeah, but what can we expect from the station that brought us Stripperella?

2003-07-25T09:50:00.000-04:00

How NOT to be a journalist, 101

Here are several emails I exchanged with a woman about a story she was working on. I was trying to help her out and figured I'd let her interview me. Umm, well. She sucks.

HER:
Thanks so much for responding! The article I'm writing is how stress and anxiety can creep up on you without you even realizing it. I actually have a bunch of physical symptoms anecdotes, but I'm on the lookout for stories of women who either bury their stress so deeply that they dont realize it's stress (they keep their emotions in check), or that they have a delayed reaction (meaning they're so busy while the stressor is there, they only experience symptoms later, when the stressor is gone.) Could you be an example of the latter with your sleeping? Maybe you worked really really hard all week, and slept all weekend and didn't realize you were stressed out?

ME:
Hi Leslie,

Basically I have the type of personality that stresses out all the time, but
never realized it :) So yes, the TMJ was starting while I was asleep because
I clenched my teeth. By the time we figured out I had stress problems, it
had been that way for awhile.
SJ

HER:
No, no - were you going through a stressful time at work, and then sleeping
all weekend, for instance. Or you were blowing up at your boyfriend, or
forgetting things at home, or something like that. Meaning, you were fine at
work, but then at other times you were doing weird things.

This is when I realized this chick was stupid. You don't try to put words or situations into someone's mouth. If they dono't have what you're looking for, then keep moving, or do the interview and make it short. You don't tell me what was wrong with me or tell me what you want me to say. I tried to play along, but this chick is seriously retarded. I just didn't email her back.

How could you be so busy at work and not realize you were stressing? Seriously. Were you on drugs the entire time???

2003-07-25T09:32:00.000-04:00

Put your arms around me, what you feel is what you are and what you are is beautiful

As I sat on the couch this morning and enjoyed a piece of cheese toast, I saw a music group playing on the Today show. It's a group I've liked, that I have some of their songs on my MP3 player (which thanks to crackdowns, has been reduced to rubble b/c I can't download anything new). anyway, lets just say that I've interviewed a member of this band.

He did the interview by phone (and was late, as musicians always are) and kept trying to end the interview several times during it. you see, I'm nice and try to actually have a conversation beyond the questions I'm asking. It just makes the whole thing better. He was seriously, a horrible interview. And he has been in the business since the 80s? What a loser. He sounded like an 80-yyear-old chain smoker who was about to be on his last breath. Too bad he's in his 40s but is probably still trying to pretend he's 29 (these guys have had to have plastic surgery..)

Oh well. I hate rock stars and I hate interviews with them. They always suck and aren't worth my time.

2003-07-24T15:11:00.000-04:00

Translation, please.

How do you say "I'm retarded." In German?

The answer? Ich bin dumm.

2003-07-24T14:16:00.000-04:00

Friends rule

Ok, guys. I'm going to send you over to my friend Dud's blog here. She's funny and just getting started at blogging. She's also a devoted reader of moi and a friend I have had since we were 14.

Make sure you read her entry about birth control. It is soo true. As someone who has tried every pill, the ring and the IUD, I feel her pain. And they all suck. I hate birth control. Every time I have this convesation with my husband he says he wants to get his tubes snipped. At 23, I'm not ready to really make that decision yet. So suffer we will continue.

2003-07-24T12:11:00.000-04:00

I see why he had to force people to sleep with him

The pictures of Saddam's dead sons are out, but there is no direct link yet. Click on the slideshow (left side) with the picture of his sons and then hit "next" once the slideshow comes up.

And let the games begin.

2003-07-24T11:52:00.000-04:00

Let the bra burning begin

I don't consider myself a feminist. I'm just pro-woman. I believe men and women deserve equal pay. I think women get crappier jobs sometimes and we get paid less and that there is a glass ceiling in place. Look at my newsroom, dominated by men. Only ONE woman in "a position of power."

I think Muslim women who wear burquas are being dominated. WHY? Becuase while these men can go out in shorts or jeans, these women must sweat under a black veil. If they do it for modesty or so they can "keep safe" then why can't the men learn to control themselves? Then they wouldn't be lustful or rape or do whatnot.

Why does mamma always have to keep the house clean? Why is it that only the Mom talks on those walmart commericials about how she can save so much money? Why is it expected that a woman give up her career for a baby, though when a man does it he is looked down upon?Why do women wear makeup? Shave legs? Underarms? (I do the latter two, not the first, thank you very much.)

Why do little girls get toys that involve Barbie's minivan while little boys get G.I. Joe? Why is it that a boy can be "all boy" and be rough and tumbley though when a girl does it she's a tomboy?

I hate double standards. I'm not even getting into political issues here because mine are not what you'd think they are.

2003-07-24T11:20:00.000-04:00

Oh NO!

Too bad we have a house here. Because I think I could do very well at this job. I have the experience...man, it would be fun.

2003-07-24T11:15:00.000-04:00

Continuing on with today's mundane news

Stop the presses, I now have coffee. I deserve it, I have a very long day ahead of me.

2003-07-24T09:49:00.000-04:00

Hello, jerkoffs.

You will not find KOBE'S ACCUSER's picture here. You are a loser. You need a life and need to stop worshiping this loser.

2003-07-24T09:36:00.000-04:00

Blah blah blah

Due to the fact that since I mentioned a certain retarded basketball player on here and that I keep getting people looking for certain retarded pictures, which, I would NEVER POST, I will only mention equally retarded, but less popular, "celebrities" on here.

So, here's yet another reason why I don't like Alec Baldwin.

2003-07-24T09:22:00.000-04:00

These are the rules, and you must follow them.

I think that most relationships, especially husband/wife where they live together, have certain sets of rules. Take me and my husband, for example. It is my "job" to make appointments (such as the dentist) and to make desserts. I do not expect him to do either. In return, he takes out the trash and mows the yard.
AT my Dad's house, he cooks, she cleans. It's very simple. My Mom's house is a little more difficult. She brings home the bacon (I.E the most money) cooks, cleans, does laundry, dishes and shops. In return, her husband watches Nascar.
Now, I don't really understand why she just doesn't lay the law down. I mean, she obviously wears the pants in this house (she scolds him like a child when we get in arguments) but she still lets him control her. I will never understand that.

2003-07-23T17:07:00.000-04:00

Porkchops and applesauce

I just ate a sandwich that brought me back to my childhood: bread, butter and sugar. Yes you heard that right. Its yum. I'm sooooo hungry, I hope it's not my new "pill" making me eat more, hence, gain weight. For those of you who don't know, the sarcastic journalist really doesnt like to gain weight. she is down to a very very desired weight (130-- haven't been that in awhile) and wants to keep her weight there.

she happens to love cakes, cookies and ice cream. and coffee. oh, its so unfair. why is the best stuff also the worst stuff?

2003-07-23T14:36:00.000-04:00

Is he channeling Paris Hilton?

I just heard a quote from an interview I did.

"If I knew that and you knew that, we'd both know it."

Yes, that's usually how it works.

2003-07-23T14:16:00.000-04:00

I bet Ben would be mad

What? No mention of Jenny from the block?

Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got
I'm still, I'm still Jenny from the block
Used to have a little now I have a lot
No matter where I go I know where I came from
(From the Bronx)

You get back what you put out
Even if you take the good route
Can't count the hood out
After a while you'll know who to blend with
Just keep it real with the ones you came in with
Best thing to do is stay low
L.O.X. and J.Lo
They act like they don't but they know

Didn't she recently fire her manager and her publicist? her manager that made her big? Yeah, she has really kept her "people" around her. Puta.

2003-07-23T11:08:00.000-04:00

The Road Goes on Forever and the Party Never Ends

every day is a constant internal battle. I have to battle myself to get out of bed (10-20 minutes) and then convince myself that a shower is necessary. After said shower (which I always take) I have to have a fight with myself not to go back to bed.

Once at work, it is not eating lunch too early, going home to go to sleep or just leaving and doing what I really want to do. Right now? My internal struggle concerns Starbucks. (Yes, I know. but it's the closest coffee place to my work. Normally I go to this wonderful independent place. Yum.) Should I go and get a skinny white chocolate mocha, no whip? I'm bad at making decisions. Please make one for me.

2003-07-23T11:03:00.000-04:00

Stupid thing I said during an interview

Since I tape record all conversations, I hear whatever dumb things I say during my interviews over and over. My newest one? "Never make an ice cream float with Mountain Dew. As wonderful as it sounds, its not."

2003-07-23T08:54:00.000-04:00

Let's be honest.
Editors note: I plan on saying what I really think about topics today. Sometimes I try to "tone down" what I'm saying as to not offend everyone, but I really don't care today. So, if you have a problem, that's nice. I really don't care.

Why I have TV News Part 1,234,508

I was watching CNN this morning and it seems as if only one thing happened in the world yesterday! Saddam Hussein's sons were killed! Holy moly! The entire freaking world completely stopped because these two losers died. Now, I'm happy they died. I, unlike many of my fellow stupid citizens, actually read the news and know what these losers have done.They deserved it, but in a much worse of a fashion. But, whatever. So, CNN this morning. Lets just give an example of the news.

"Well, in sports today, KOBE' still says he is innocent, because he's not as guilty as Saddam's sons, who happen to be dead."
"Two more soldiers die, even after Uday and Qusay were killed." (That's from Fox News.)
"Uday and Qusay died yesterday and there were possible celebrations in Iraq."

How in the hell are there POSSIBLE celebrations? I mean, gee. If they're pulling out the confetti and doing the tango and are screaming "They're dead!" It's a celebration. If they're walking to the store as always and look grim, I doubt it is.

Oh, and Jessica Lynch. The news media ruined me on this story awhile ago. Honestly, I don't care what happens to this hick from W. Va. Yes, its tragic that she got caught. Yes, people died. It also happens to be her job. She was in the military. She went to WAR. Things like this happen in the war. In comparison with other wars we have fought, there are a lot less dead and a lot less POWs. Let's give part of her speech (and I'm making it up here) "I want. To thank. You. Very. Much. For. Helping me. I. Was. So. Sad."

Yes, she was captured. She's home. Whoopie. I'm sure her family is very happy. Now, can we please get back to normal news and stop sensationalizing this stupid ass story already?

2003-07-22T13:12:00.000-04:00

This is just too easy

Paris Hilton, you know, the anorexic blonde socialitewho shows up everywhere? Well, she recently gave a press conference on how being on the "Simple Life" reality show changed her life.

On how her life has changed since the filming of the show: "Um ... just the way I'm, like, thinking about things, just, like, the way I am with people now."

Like, totally! Going to the like, grocery store, is like, so life changing! When I get there, I like, think about different things, like, groceries and am with different people, like cashiers and women with big butts and, like, too many children!

How stupid can she be? Good Lord. You can read, like, the entire, like, article here and, like, totally tell me all about it, like.

2003-07-22T12:41:00.000-04:00

Just a journalistic observation...

Is it me, or are conjoined twins all the rage?

2003-07-22T12:27:00.000-04:00

I have a dream!

I would really like to sell my house one day and move overseas. Not permanently, but just for a period of time. I want to live in Europe, possibly teach english, learn another language even better. I love learning other languages, I thought about in college going to grad school for Spanish, but a series of crappy teachers ruined that idea for me.

I doubt my husband would ever go for the idea, but it just seems like so much fun! I want to do something like that while I'm young and can still do so.

2003-07-22T10:58:00.000-04:00

You know you want to

...Help me with my story, anyway. Say you have moved across the country/globe and can't get the food you used to from home. For example, I'm madly in love with Blue Bell Ice Cream (it's the best!) and can't get it here. It literally made me sad to move to a non Blue Bell State.

So, tell me if you've moved and what food you miss so I can do a little research. Maybe where you moved to/from and what you would you would love to have from home.

2003-07-22T09:19:00.000-04:00

Hey men, he's human, not God.

I found myself annoyed when I found out that KOBE'S ACCUSER's picture is on the net. So, I went and did a quick search myself and found the picture. And she looked like what i thought she would.

How DARE anyone put her personal information on the internet? How dare anyone try and talk crap about her to discredit her story? She's a small girl, do you think she'd really have a chance to fend off some big basketball player?

Kobe Bryant deserves the right to a fair trail. But this girl deserves the right to not be treated like a liar. I know the type of people who post her picture on the net. Sports fans, the type of guys who think Bryant is a God. He's not. He's human, an uneducated oaf who is used to getting his way. Maybe he didn't do it. Maybe he did. But the comments left about her?

"WOW, I thought this girl would have been pretty. Even I wouldn't have screwed her and I'm no jock B-ball player. " or
"Not only stay away from white trash but all trash."

I'm outraged. I wish I could stoop to their levels and post THEIR PERSONAL INFORMATION on the net. But I won't.

2003-07-22T09:09:00.000-04:00

Its a beautiful day in the neighborhood

I started working on a new book last night. NO, book numero uno isn't done, but I have done all that I could while I wait for other people to read it for me. My new book is about a reporter (wow, now there's a stretch.) I did go to the book signing last night and it was good and the author, as usual, was just cute as a button.

I wish all authors, or people I interview, are as nice as she is. It makes my job a heckuva lot better. OH, we have a new intern here. We're from the same state! She's 24 and married (hey, I see some similarities here) but she's pregnant. She's still fun, however and I enjoy her while she's here. She, unlike my other coworkers, doesn't mind talking about non-work subjects. So I'm happy while she's here. I've kind of taken her under my wing and am helping her, because interns here are basicaly treated as regular reporters and aren't always given the help they need. but, at the same time, being an intern here is a very good experience (I know, I was one) and you learn more than how to make coffee.

So, hurray for our intern! She rules!

2003-07-21T18:42:00.000-04:00

Ix Nay on the Ew Jay

The husband says I should take Eli's suggestion and get a freelance book editor. I say we're poor. I understand it's a good idea, I get that and I really want a book deal.

Its just that well, our bank account has dwindled down to basically nothing. They tend to do those type of things. Anyway, I guess I'm off to a book signing here in town. I think it should be fun, its just hard for me to get myself motivated to do anything on my own sometimes.

So excuse my bad mood.

2003-07-21T18:02:00.000-04:00

Yummy from my tummy

Here's that pic of my belly a day or two after the surgery. Don't know if you can see the puffyness from it. Usually I don't look pregnant :)

2003-07-21T15:20:00.000-04:00

The kids aren't alright.

Hey buddy, they're not called interview questions. It's called a conversation. try to get that right first and then maybe you're allowed to date.

2003-07-21T14:46:00.000-04:00

geesh.

Actress shannyn sossamon gave birth to a baby boy. (Ok, you may not know who she is, but check this out.)

His name?

Audio Science Clayton. Clayton is the last name.

2003-07-21T10:50:00.000-04:00

To keep you in the know

Last night, I printed out my novel, all 262 pages of it, to send off to friends to read. Here are the stages I'm going through to become crazy novelist girl:
stage one: Write book--completed
Stage two: print out, husband reads and comments on book. -- completed
Stage three: I read and comment/make changes on book. --completed
Stage four: I retype all changes to book. --completed
Stage five: print out, send to mom, mom in law and friend named dud-- in process
Stage six: Take their comments into consideration and act approperiately
Stage seven: Send out letters to agents after I research them heavily (I'm researching now)

2003-07-21T10:32:00.000-04:00

Note to my hubby:

Please read your email.

2003-07-21T09:22:00.000-04:00

A rose by any other name...

Purple.....ohhhh ohhhhh purple, I'm so lonesome for you. Why can't you be purple over me?

2003-07-21T09:14:00.000-04:00

Let's play slam the executive editor!

Book hoarder sits across from me and she's in a good, gossipy mood this morning. It turns out that the paper has been paying for our advertising director's living arrangements in a hotel for a YEAR now and finally told her they wouldn't do so anymore and then she quit. She was also expense accounting shampoo.

Then, I find out that the executive editor told our office manager that she's not allowed to buy a $5.00 pack of hi-lighters because they are too expensive. Gee, I wonder how much money he makes in a year. I bet it costs more than $5.

2003-07-21T08:56:00.000-04:00

What I will be doing in two years....

Remember Steve from Blues Clues? Well, he has a web site now...and I bet you're wondering what he's been up to. Well, he went from this to this. Yes, he's drinking a beer, dressed up as a bear.

2003-07-19T16:04:00.000-04:00

No more, please.

I've had enough. I don't want to be in this stupid city, stupid state anymore. I want to go home.

2003-07-18T18:17:00.000-04:00

Hate mail rules!!!

Email about my review of Bad Boys II

Did you actually watch this tasteless movie?
Did Jerry Bruckheimer pay you for this review?
The [newspaper] should not let the blind review movies

My response:

Actually, sir. I did watch the movie. And no, I haven't received a check yet, though they are definately appreciated.
Have you seen the movie yet? It only came out TODAY and it really wasn't bad. Trust me, if I thought it was, I would say so.
And thank you for reading!

2003-07-18T17:29:00.000-04:00

I'm every woman, it's all in me.

Yes, I did get there to see Mrs. Bush as I said so earlier. I got there sometime around 7:30ish and found out that was waaaaaaaaayyyy too early. So I went and slept in my truck. Finally we got in and I secured a seat and the girl next to me starts talking to me. So I talk back and she says I seem older than 23 because of "the way I carry myself." I tell her it's the black jacket I have on. It makes me look professional.

Anyway the secret service seems like a lot of fun. They all have on suits with the little ear piece thingies and talk in hushed voices and look very ah, whats the word....secretive? Hee hee. So they make us leave the room so they can "sweep" it (you know we journalists and our bombs) and then we go back in and they say we can't cross this one line until Mrs. Bush leaves. So I dare the chick I'm sitting next to to cross it, in a funny way. "I'd give you a dollar to tackle her when she comes in." Stupid crap like that. Well the girl decides she's too cool for me and starts to stop talking to me. Dork. She goes and sucks up to someone from the AP when before she was kissing MY ass because I work for a lot larger paper than she does.

Anyway, Mrs. Bush comes in, the whole scene is very set up, she's "reading" to these children and I guess it's supposed to look like a school? They had little backpacks there and everything. It was an airport mantience facility. Weird. She then says she will answer questions and finally I get the nerve telling myself I should go for it. I shout out "Mrs. Bush!" and then some idiot goes and cuts me off and asks that question. Then she has to leave. Well, at least i'm taller than her. And there was another well known female politician there who has had a drastic makeover recently and now looks just like Joan Collins. Freaky.

So, i didn't get my interview but I had a few laughs at the expense of people who take themselves waaaayyy too seriously.

2003-07-18T14:42:00.000-04:00

Don't cry for me Argentina!

Yes I'm here, Yes I made it. I'm very tired right now and am still at work. I'll give the full run down when I get home. It was interesting.

So now, go and be glad that you're not this guy. Yes, friends. Big brother is watching.

2003-07-17T21:50:00.000-04:00

Not good.

I can't find where Mrs. Bush is going to be tomorrow. They moved the place this afternoon and I can't find the new one. It's at "airport matinence" for our airport, but the only road with the name given is over an hour away. Considering I'd have to be there by 8 that means I'd have to leave here at like 6:30-6:45 and I have no clue where it is.

Darn. I don't know what to do. So much for big breaks.